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“If They Came to Hear Me Beg” will go down as one of the stupidest gaming achievements in all my video gaming experiences past, present, and future.  This one goes in the Hall of Shame immediately, an imperfect, yet impossible-to-relinquish achievement that takes place in Mission 10 of Halo: Reach titled “The Pillar of Autumn.”  If it weren’t for some out-of-nowhere patience on my part and soothing music in the background, I would be 25 achievement points lighter this very morn.  But alas, frustration and indifference lost as I thwarted my enemy and smelt its ruin as it lay on the ground beneath my digital feet.

Why is this so hard? WHY!?

For those of you unknowing of this achievement, a little background:  Mission 10 begins with Noble 6 and Emile running along the top-side of a mountain/mesa/earthly-growth.  Spotted over the cliff below is a gaggle of Grunts and an unsuspecting Elite.  While utilizing the Sprint ability, Noble 6’s goal is to jump from the cliff and assassinate the Elite below which, in turn, prevents Noble 6 from dying due to the extreme plunge.  This. Is. Stupid.  The idea itself isn’t so bad, but the execution of the achievement bestowal on the game designers’ parts is laughable at best.  I swear on my unborn child that I assassinated said Elite no less than 30 times (with the assassination animation–not just a knock on the head) and received absolutely no achievement.  Granted, there were oh-so-many times I plunged to a clanking death, but I connected more than enough for this achievement to work.

What is even more saddening than this apparent lack of effort on the part of an otherwise terrific game design team?  The fact that, no matter what, I could not tear myself away without accomplishing that achievement.  I knew it could be done, I had seen the YouTube videos and read the testimonials on various forums.  I entered some Zen-like state where nothing could break the focus of getting this stupid, meaningless 25-point achievement.  With Bear McCreary’s Battlestar Galactica score stringing and thumping in the speakers I was one with Reach and the aforementioned, despite its stupidity.  Perhaps this was Bungie’s goal.  Maybe they intended for the achievement to be so ridiculous to actually achieve in order to brainwash their users, implanting various subliminal messages like “buy gold” and “build little model airplanes”.  Maybe they are secretly training gamers around the world to hatch some crazy scheme for their purposes through subliminal methods, like storming Microsoft in Redmond, Washington or erecting a statue of a sniper Jackal made out of toothpicks, Gorilla Glue, and Starburst wrappers.

Needless to say, on a whim, I actually got the achievement.  I don’t know what I did differently other than the fact that instead of smashing the Elite’s face in the dirt, I happened to land behind and beside him and stabbed him in the neck.  I don’t exactly know because at that point I wasn’t really paying attention.  Performing the act was just a reflex, requiring very little (or even less) thought.  I heard that sweet blip of success and immediately went on with the mission at hand.  It was like I was stuck in some sort of time-travel causality loop, a la Groundhog Day or Star Trek TNG’s “Cause and Effect”.  Once the pattern was broken I was again free to my own devices, ready to destroy as many Covenant bastards as possible while delivering “the package” to the Pillar of Autumn and Capt. Jacob Keyes.  All while being 25 Achievement Points richer.

"Yep, that's a temporal causality loop if I ever saw one."


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12 Comments

  1. avatar Andy Nick says:

    I’m planning on going for this puppy very soon – thanks for the heads up on the difficulty. I hear the trick is knowing when to hop out of sprint mode.

    If you have any more specific advice about how to pull this out of my ass, I’d love to hear it!!

    By the way, that audio file the other day was just ridiculous. 🙂

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  2. avatar Dave says:

    Yes, the “podcast” really utilized the spirit(s) of GameDrunk. I’m sure there’s more hijinx to come.

    Regarding the achievement, the only real advice I can give is not to give up if you really want it. I had been aiming right for the Elite’s head and getting the assassination but not the “right kind” of assassination. At the point of sheer frustration and the onset of lunacy I just started doing stupider, crazier things. At one point, I just happened to position myself more towards the right shoulder of the Elite and held the melee button down at the right time.

    I also heard that stopping the sprint midway down the fall was necessary. I assassinated the Elite both with the Sprint still running and with it stopped to no avail. I do believe, though, when I finally got the achievement I had stopped the sprint.

    Also, I did the achievement on Legendary. I doubt this has anything to do with it (except it can only be done on Normal or higher). Maybe doing it on Normal or Hard makes it easier, maybe it doesn’t matter.

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  3. avatar Andy Nick says:

    Gotcha! I heard going for it on Legendary was only an advantage because if you totally blow it and survive the fall, at least they’ll kill you more quickly. 🙂

    My pal says:
    designh3r0: It was bullshit
    drewceo: any pro tips?
    designh3r0: Yeah
    designh3r0: Let off of the sprint once you jump
    designh3r0: It doesn’t count it as an actual fall unless sprint is off from the get go
    designh3r0: I could live through the fall if I had sprint going all the way down
    designh3r0: Run all the way to the ledge from the start of the mission too
    designh3r0: Never let up
    designh3r0: Run close to the large boulder and then jump
    designh3r0: Look almost straight forward once getting close to the Elite
    designh3r0: It didn’t seem to work when I looked straight down at him
    designh3r0: Took about 30 to 40 tries

    …so, i’ll be trying that soon and I’ll letcha know if I can get it!

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  4. avatar Dave says:

    Worthwhile advice. Honestly, that sounds kind of close to what I did. It is articulated better than what I said, too. I didn’t run from the get-go of the mission start–started once I made the turn towards cliff’s edge.

    Good luck, and just remember to be patient.

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  5. avatar yeah says:

    this achievement was a bitch, there would be times where the elite would move, right before i reached him, there would be times where i wouldn’t assassinate him but melee him instead, sometimes i would land on top of him, and then there were the most infuriating times where i would actually assassinate him but it wouldn’t give me the achievement even though i did unclick the left bumper to stop sprinting. When i did finally get it, it was awesome, but i was a little pissed considering i was doing the exact thing i did 38 times before…

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  6. avatar Jose says:

    Did it 5 times on Legendary to no avail. Then one day I was Challenge hunting and went to that mission to get me some easy Elite Kills (50 to be exact). I was playing on Normal and decided to try it and what do you know? Got it the 1st time I tried. Same thing with Two Corpses In One Grave (Killed 2 vehicles at once with the Target Locator during the 3rd mission); after doing twice on Legendary and not receiving the Achievement, tried it on normal and received it. Bungie messed up here, plain and simple.

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  7. avatar Steven says:

    Sorry but you are totally wrong i got this the first time, u guys just suck.

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  8. avatar b says:

    I don’t understand why it’s so hard for a lot of people. I got it within a few tries, as did my friends. Some people often forget to turn off sprint in the air, which will usually cancel out the achievement because the fall will not be fatal.

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  9. avatar Philip Straw says:

    There is no particular technique to this. Like the article says, it’s just a badly coded achievement (or a deliberatly badly coded achievement). Just keep doing do it and let time do the rest.

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  10. avatar Smoke says:

    If your dumbass would of let go of the sprint button it wouldnt of taken you hours dumbass.

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  11. avatar paltoane says:

    Aw, this was an incredibly nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to produce a very good
    article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and don’t seem to get anything done.

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    guidance from an established blog. Is it hard to set up your own blog?
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